Lecture

Buddhism begins with realism about dukkha. People quarrel. People steal. They have unconventional sex. Sometimes people kill each other. There is violence. The human is a predatory animal. Incest happens. Partners cheat. Families are sometimes riven by feuds and bitterness. People leave. People die. Sometimes one is trapped in miserable circumstances. Sometimes one is separated from loved ones. One gets blamed, sometimes unjustly. Hopes almost never work out exactly. There is much anguish in making life decisions. Seizing one’s freedom there is always a cost. To grasp something new something old must be left behind. How can one know in advance whether it is for better or for worse? When is one being prudent and when cowardly. When is one being bold and when rash? It is often impossible to know. We carry proud and shameful feelings. We cover them up. Much of what we say is not wholly true. We protect ourselves and even more we protect each other. This can leave one in the position of having a great pressure inside and nowhere one can let it out. The role of counselling can often be that of being the only place that the pressure can be released. The therapist needs to tread a middle way, accepting the painful aspects of life without becoming cynical, listening seriously and being moved without being shocked. When we read the stories in the sutras (especially in the Therigata) we see many instances of transformation. It is not that the dukkha is eliminated, but rather that it become the foundation for compassion. Dust is turned into gold.


Small Groups
Reflecting upon the lecture.


Demostration Sessions 9, 10 & 11

Session 9.
Client talked about two dreams (of the previous night) and a symptom. Dream one was of being in a small room alone, becoming aware of people outside and opening a tiny window. Dream two was of her father taking a knife to her throat. The symptom was feelings of tearfulness arising unpredictably. She particularly wanted to trace the roots of this symptom. The therapist asked question to prompt her investigation, reporting back to her what she had told him. It was apparent that the client was easily embarrassed and covered this by smiling even when sad. It emerged that she had ordained ten years earlier and just before doing so had had a big argument with her father. The argument was over a domestic incident but probably reflected the father’s sense of disappointment in losing her. Now, ten years later, she has recently visited father for the first time and had a positive contact with him, and she is contemplating a new step in her life, the beginning of another ten years. Feelings of loneliness and sadness were explored. The client made connections between her tears and her feeling for her family.


Session 10
Client talked about various somatic symptoms and discomforts that preoccupy him. he spoke for some time and therapist made minimal intervention, simply listening. Client did not make eye contact but was clearly into his own experience, exploring different aspects. When, at last, the client made eye contact with therapist, therapist asked bluntly: “Well, do you know what it’s about?” The client was silent and then said, perhaps work done by others on their school experience had put him in touch with something. He then recounted how he had been good at junior school in the country and then was sent to boarding school in the city. After a month he experience strong home sickness and went up on the roof. A person came and severely reprimanded him and beat him. At this point there was discharge of emotion. Therapist repeated back to client strongly what he had heard, painting the picture of the little boy homesick, alone and treated brutally. There was a tender contact between client and therapist. Client went on to recount other later times at school, much of it about his rebellious behaviour. However, client’s manner was now completely changed, being much stronger and more assertive. The therapist pointed out this change of energy, matching it in his response to the client. After a little more dialogue the client reported feeling much freer.


Session 11
The client convincingly presented her self as an intelligent, happy well-adjusted person who, nonetheless, is currently experiencing serious difficulties in the relationship with her nineteen year old son who is in his first year at a prestigious university. The son has no social life, talks of suicide, and swears that as soon as he can he will cut all ties with his family. However, the son also communicates with his mother almost every day, sometimes at unsocial hours. The son is particularly hostile toward his father who is often absent from the home because of his work. This was examined as a case of (1) the problems of leaving home and (2) the mother son bond when the son has to an extent usurped the role of the father.


Points of Interest

1. Cases 9 & 10 involved retrieving memories from the past and making connections with present feelings, whereas case 11 was mostly present and future oriented.
2. The style of the therapist was different in each case, but there was an especial distinction between 11 and the other two. In 11, the therapist was relatively more diagnostic and advisory whereas in 9 & 10 the therapist was following an intuitive process in the client. Generally one avoids giving advice because it tends to shift responsibility from the client to the therapist, but this was not judged to be a danger in this case so the therapist felt free to share a professional opinion.
3. Cases 9 & 10 involved tracing information that had been forgotten whereas case 11 used information already well known to the client.
4. In case 9 the client maintained eye contact with the therapist much of the time and the therapist gave many prompts to help her go into her own material, whereas in 10, especially in the early part, there was no eye contact and the client made an introspective exploration without any prompting from the therapist.
5. One of the students made a good analysis of the work in terms of “nirodha” (containment) showing how the therapist tunes in and empathises but waits until the location of the hurt becomes apparent and then provides a psychological container or safe space within which the client can go into the dukkha with transformative effect.
6. We discussed the importance of the “contract” with the client. Thus, in 9 the client presented two dreams, but her stated objective was to understand the origin of her tears. The dreams were, therefore, secondary resources rather than the primary focus of attention. In 10 the client wanted to understand the root of certain somatic symptoms and in the work these were traced to a beating he had received at school. The session included other work, looking at the client’s successes at school and other things, and these should be regarded as secondary to the primary work. In 11 the client wanted to know what to do and by the end of the session had some ideas. One could have examined the family dynamics further in many ways, but that was not the contract.
7. Again the issue of how to cope when one's own material is stimulated was discussed. Case 11 presented a scenario that is common to many families so it is likely to reflect experience that the therapist has also gone through either as a parent or as a youngster growing up.
8. All three cases involved an examination of the transition from childhood to adult life, but each scenario was different. In 9 and 11 the issue concerned the bond between the child and the opposite sex parent, in one case daughter-father and in the other son-mother. This aspect did not feature in the case 10 dialogue, though one may assume that something of the kind lay in the background.

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20170824 Course 3 Day 4 - Penultimate of 15 Day Training

Posted by David Brazier on August 24, 2017 at 13:14 in KOREA 2017

 

https://eleusis.ning.com/group/korea/forum/topics/course-3-day-4-penultimate-of-15-day-training

 

Translated into Korean by Jaesung Kim

 

변역: 김재성

 

Lecture

 

Buddhism begins with realism about dukkha. People quarrel. People steal. They have unconventional sex. sometimes people kill each other. There is violence. The human is a predatory animal. Incest happens. Partners cheat. Families are sometimes riven by feuds and bitterness. People leave. People die. Sometimes one is trapped in miserable circumstances. Sometimes one is separated from loved ones. One gets blamed, sometimes unjustly. Hopes almost never work out exactly. There is much anguish in making life decisions. Seizing one’s freedom there is always a cost. To grasp something new something old must be left behind. How can one know in advance whether it is for better or for worse? When is one being prudent and when cowardly. When is one being bold and when rash? It is often impossible to know. We carry proud and shameful feelings. We cover them up. Much of what we say is not wholly true. We protect ourselves and even more we protect each other. This can leave one in the position of having a great pressure inside and nowhere one can let it out. The role of counselling can often be that of being the only place that the pressure can be released. The therapist needs to tread a middle way, accepting the painful aspects of life without becoming cynical, listening seriously and being moved without being shocked. When we read the stories in the sutras (especially in the Therigata) we see many instances of transformation. It is not that the dukkha is eliminated, but rather that it become the foundation for compassion. Dust is turned into gold.

강의

불교는 dukkha에 대한 사실주의로 시작된다. 사람들은 싸운다. 사람들은 훔친다. 그들은 인습적이 아닌 성관계를 가진다. 때때로 사람들은 서로를 죽인다. 폭력이 있다. 인간은 포식 동물이다. 근친상간이 일어난다. 파트너는 바람피운다. 가족은 때로는 불화와 괴로움에 의해 갈라진다. 사람들은 떠난다. 사람들은 죽는다. 때로는 비참한 상황에 갇힐 때가 있다. 때때로 사람들은 사랑하는 사람과 떨어져 있다. 사람은 비난받으며, 때로는 부당하게 비난받는다. 희망은 거의 정확히 이루어지지지 않는다. 삶의 결정을 내리는 데는 많은 고뇌가 있다. 자유를 누리는 것은 항상 비용이 든다. 새로운 무언가를 파악하려면 오래된 것을 남겨 두어야한다. 무엇이 더 좋은지 나쁜지 어떻게 사전에 알 수 있는가? 언제가 사람들은 신중한 것이고 언제 겁쟁이 일 때인가. 언제 대담하고 언제 성급한 것인가가? 이런 것을 알는 종종 불가능하다. 우리는 자랑스럽고 부끄러운 감정을 가지고 있다. 우리는 그 감정들을 덮어버린다. 우리가 말하는 대부분은 전적으로 진실이 아니다. 우리는 우리 자신을 보호하며 서로를 더욱 더 보호한다. 이것은 내부에 큰 압박을 가하는 위치에 사람을 남겨 둘 수 있고, 어느 곳도 이것을 내보낼 곳이 없다. 상담의 역할은 압박을 풀어 놓을 수 있는 유일한 곳이라는 것이다. 치료자는 삶의 고통스러운 측면을 냉소적으로 받아들이지 않고 심각하게 듣고 충격 받지 않고 감동적으로 받아들여 중도를 갈 필요가 있다. 우리가 경전(특히 Therigata-장로니게)의 이야기를 읽을 때 우리는 많은 변용의 사례를 본다. 둑카dukkha(괴로움)가 삭제 된 것이 아니라 오히려 그것이 연민의 토대가 된다는 것이다. 먼지가 금으로 변한다.

 

Small Groups

Reflecting upon the lecture.

소그룹

강의를 들으며.

 

 

Demostration Sessions 9, 10 & 11

 

시연 세션 9, 10 & 11

 

Session 9.

Client talked about two dreams (of the previous night) and a symptom. Dream one was of being in a small room alone, becoming aware of people outside and opening a tiny window. Dream two was of her father taking a knife to her throat. The symptom was feelings of tearfulness arising unpredictably. She particularly wanted to trace the roots of this symptom. The therapist asked question to prompt her investigation, reporting back to her what she had told him. It was apparent that the client was easily embarrassed and covered this by smiling even when sad. It emerged that she had ordained ten years earlier and just before doing so had had a big argument with her father. The argument was over a domestic incident but probably reflected the father’s sense of disappointment in losing her. Now, ten years later, she has recently visited father for the first time and had a positive contact with him, and she is contemplating a new step in her life, the beginning of another ten years. Feelings of loneliness and sadness were explored. The client made connections between her tears and her feeling for her family.

 

세션 9.

내담자는 (전날 밤의) 두 가지 꿈과 한 가지 증상에 대해 이야기했다. 꿈 1에서 혼자 작은 방에 있었다. 외부 사람들을 인식하고 작은 창문을 열었다. 꿈 2는 그녀의 목에 칼을 댄 아버지 꿈이었다. 증상은 예기치 않게 발생하는 눈물이 올라오는 감정이었다. 그녀는 특히 이 증상의 뿌리를 추적하고 싶었다. 치료자는 그녀의 검토를 촉구하기 위해 질문을 하고 그녀가 그에게 말한 것을 다시 그녀에게 보고했다. 내담자는 쉽게 당황했었고 슬픈 때에도 미소 지으며 이를 덮었음이 분명했다. 그녀는 10 년 전에 출가했고 그 직전에 아버지와 큰 논쟁이 있었다는 것이 나타났다. 그 논쟁은 국내 사건에 관한 것이었지만 아마 아버지가 그녀를 잃었을 때 그의 실망감을 반영했다. 이제 10 년 후, 그녀는 최근에 처음으로 아버지를 방문하여 긍정적 인 접촉을 가졌으며, 그녀는 10 년 후인 새로운 삶의 단계를 관조하고 있다. 외로움과 슬픔의 느낌이 탐구되었다. 내담자는 그녀의 눈물과 그녀의 가족에 대한 느낌 사이를 연결했다.

 

Session 10

Client talked about various somatic symptoms and discomforts that preoccupy him. he spoke for some time and therapist made minimal intervention, simply listening. Client did not make eye contact but was clearly into his own experience, exploring different aspects. When, at last, the client made eye contact with therapist, therapist asked bluntly: “Well, do you know what it’s about?” The client was silent and then said, perhaps work done by others on their school experience had put him in touch with something. He then recounted how he had been good at junior school in the country and then was sent to boarding school in the city. After a month he experience strong home sickness and went up on the roof. A person came and severely reprimanded him and beat him. At this point there was discharge of emotion. Therapist repeated back to client strongly what he had heard, painting the picture of the little boy homesick, alone and treated brutally. There was a tender contact between client and therapist. Client went on to recount other later times at school, much of it about his rebellious behaviour. However, client’s manner was now completely changed, being much stronger and more assertive. The therapist pointed out this change of energy, matching it in his response to the client. After a little more dialogue the client reported feeling much freer.

세션 10

내담자는 그를 사로잡고 있는 다양한 신체적 증상과 불편함에 대해 이야기했다. 그는 얼마 동안 말했고 치료자는 최소한의 개입했으며, 단순히 듣기만 했다. 내담자는 눈을 마주 치지 않았지만 자신의 경험 속으로 들어가 분명하게 다른 측면을 탐구했다. 마침내 내담자가 치료자와 눈을 마주 쳤을 때 치료자는 직설적으로 물었다. "글쎄, 그게 뭔지 압니까?" 내담자는 침묵을 지키고 다른 사람들이 작업한 학교 경험을 통해 무언가와 연결할 수 있었다. 그는 그 때 그가 어떻게 시골의 중학교를 잘 다녔고, 그 다음 도시의 기숙학교로 보내졌다는 것을 하나하나 자세히 이야기 했다. 기숙학교에 간 한 달 후, 그는 강한 향수를 경험하고 학교 옥상 위로 올라갔다. 한 사람(학교 선배)이 와서 그를 심하게 질책하고 그를 때렸다. 이 시점에서 감정의 분출이 있었다. 치료자는 그가 들었던 것을 강력하게 내담자에게 되돌려 말했고, 어린 소년의 향수의 그림을 그렸다. 외로웠고 잔인하게 대접받는 그림이었다. 내담자와 치료자 사이에는 부드러운 접촉이 있었다. 내담자는 학교에서의 이후의 다른 시간을 하나하나 자세히 이야기 했는데 대부분은 그의 반항적인 행동에 대한 것이었다. 그러나 내담자의 태도는 이제 완전히 바뀌었으며 훨씬 강력하고 단호했다. 치료자는 이 에너지 변화를 지적하였고, 내담자에 대한 그의 반응에서 그것을 일치시켰다. 조금 더 대화를 나눈 후 내담자는 훨씬 더 자유롭게 느낀다고 보고했다.

 

Session 11

The client convincingly presented her self as an intelligent, happy well-adjusted person who, nonetheless, is currently experiencing serious difficulties in the relationship with her nineteen year old son who is in his first year at a prestigious university. The son has no social life, talks of suicide, and swears that as soon as he can he will cut all ties with his family. However, the son also communicates with his mother almost every day, sometimes at unsocial hours. The son is particularly hostile toward his father who is often absent from the home because of his work. This was examined as a case of (1) the problems of leaving home and (2) the mother son bond when the son has to an extent usurped the role of the father.

 

세션 11

내담자는 설득력 있게 자신을 지적이고 행복하게 잘 적응하는 사람으로 제시했지만 현재 좋은 대학에서 첫 해를 보내고 있는 19세의 아들과의 관계에서 심각한 어려움을 겪고 있다. 아들은 사회 생활이 없고 자살에 대해서 이야기하고, 가능한 한 빨리 가족과 모든 관계를 끊을 것을 맹세했다. 그러나 아들은 거의 매일 자신의 어머니와 의사 소통을 하며 때때로 사회적이지 않은 시간(새녁 3-4시)에는 의사 소통을 한다. 아들은 일 때문에 종종 집에 없었던 아버지에게 특히 적대적입니다. 이 케이스는 (1) 집을 떠날 때의 문제와 (2)아들이 아버지의 역할을 감당할 수 있을 정도로 아들과 어머니의 유대감으로 조사되었다.

 

Points of Interest

관심 있는 점들

 

1. Cases 9 & 10 involved retrieving memories from the past and making connections with present feelings, whereas case 11 was mostly present and future oriented.

1. 사례 9와 10은 과거로부터 기억을 찾아내고 현재 감정과 연결시키는 것이었지만, 사례 11은 대부분 현재와 미래 지향적이었다.

 

2. The style of the therapist was different in each case, but there was an especial distinction between 11 and the other two. In 11, the therapist was relatively more diagnostic and advisory whereas in 9 & 10 the therapist was following an intuitive process in the client. Generally one avoids giving advice because it tends to shift responsibility from the client to the therapist, but this was not judged to be a danger in this case so the therapist felt free to share a professional opinion.

2. 치료자의 스타일은 각 경우마다 다르지만 사례 11과 다른 두 사례 사이에는 특별한 구별이

있었다. 11에서 치료자는 상대적으로 더 많은 진단과 조언을 했지만 9 & 10에서는 치료자가 내담자의 직관적인 절차를 따르고 있었다. 일반적으로 상담자는 내담자의 책임을 치료자에게 옮기는 경향이 있기 때문에 조언을 하지 않지만, 이 경우 위험하다고 판단되지 않아 전문가의 의견을 자유롭게 공유 할 수 있었다.

 

3. Cases 9 & 10 involved tracing information that had been forgotten whereas case 11 used information already well known to the client.

3. 사례 9와 10은 잊혀진 정보에 대한 추적을 포함했으나 사례 11은 이미 내담자에게 잘 알려진 정보를 사용했다.

 

4. In case 9 the client maintained eye contact with the therapist much of the time and the therapist gave many prompts to help her go into her own material, whereas in 10, especially in the early part, there was no eye contact and the client made an introspective exploration without any prompting from the therapist.

4. 사례 9에서 내담자는 치료자와의 오랫동안 시선을 맞추고 치료자는 그녀가 자신의 자료에 들어갈 수 있도록 많은 자극을 주었지만 반면에 10에서는 특히 상담 초기에 눈을 마주 치지 않았고 내담자는 치료자로 부터의 촉발 없이 내면을 탐색했다.

 

5. One of the students made a good analysis of the work in terms of “nirodha” (containment) showing how the therapist tunes in and empathises but waits until the location of the hurt becomes apparent and then provides a psychological container or safe space within which the client can go into the dukkha with transformative effect.

5. 학생들 중 한 명은 치료자가 조율하고 공감하지만 상처의 위치가 분명해질 때까지 기다렸다가 심리적 용기 또는 안전한 공간을 제공하는 방법을 보여주면서, "니로다(nirodha-담아둠)"라는 견지에서 작업을 잘 분석했다. 안전한 공간 속에서 내담자는 변용 효과와 함께 dukkha속으로 들어갈 수 있다.

 

6. We discussed the importance of the “contract” with the client. Thus, in 9 the client presented two dreams, but her stated objective was to understand the origin of her tears. The dreams were, therefore, secondary resources rather than the primary focus of attention. In 10 the client wanted to understand the root of certain somatic symptoms and in the work these were traced to a beating he had received at school. The session included other work, looking at the client’s successes at school and other things, and these should be regarded as secondary to the primary work. In 11 the client wanted to know what to do and by the end of the session had some ideas. One could have examined the family dynamics further in many ways, but that was not the contract.

6. 우리는 내담자와의 "계약"의 중요성에 대해 논의했다. 따라서 9에서 내담자는 두 가지 꿈을 표현했지만 그녀의 목표는 눈물의 기원을 이해하는 것이었다. 따라서 꿈은 주의를 둘 주요 초점이 아닌 2차적인 자원이었다. 10에서 내담자는 특정 신체 증상의 근원을 이해하기를 원했고, 작업에서 그는 학교에서 받은 폭력을 추적했다. 세션에는 다른 일이 포함되어있어 학교에서의 성공 사례 및 기타 사항을 살펴보았으며 이는 기본 작업의 보조로 간주되어야한다. 11에서 내담자는 무엇을 해야 하나 알고 싶어 했으며, 세션이 끝날 때까지 몇 가지 아이디어가 있었다. 가족의 역동성을 여러 면에서 검토해 볼 수는 있었지만 그것은 계약이 아니었다.

 

7. Again the issue of how to cope when one's own material is stimulated was discussed. Case 11 presented a scenario that is common to many families so it is likely to reflect experience that the therapist has also gone through either as a parent or as a youngster growing up.

7. 다시 자신의 자료가 자극을 받았을 때 어떻게 대처할 것인가에 대한 논의가 있었다. 사례 11은 많은 가정에 공통적인 시나리오를 제시했으므로 치료자가 부모로서 또는 성장기인 젊은이로서 해쳐온 경험을 반영할 가능성이 있다.

 

8. All three cases involved an examination of the transition from childhood to adult life, but each scenario was different. In 9 and 11 the issue concerned the bond between the child and the opposite sex parent, in one case daughter-father and in the other son-mother. This aspect did not feature in the case 10 dialogue, though one may assume that something of the kind lay in the background.

8. 세 가지 경우 모두 유년기에서 성인의 삶으로의 전환에 대한 조사가 포함되었지만 각 시나리오는 달랐다. 9와 11에서 이 문제는 아이와 이성의 부모 사이의 유대 관계에 관한 것이었는데, 한 경우에는 딸–아버지와 다른 경우는 아들 – 어머니였다. 이 측면은 사례 10의 대화에서 다루지는 않았지만, 무언가 그런 종류(의 관계)가 배경에 있다고 가정 할 수도 있다

" It is not that the dukkha is eliminated, but rather that it become the foundation for compassion." That's where we start from and where we also try to reach ultimately.  However, how "Dust is turned into gold?", that's our question always!  I think we have learned a lot about that during these workshops.  We thank you so much for your coming to Korea with such devotion and compassion.

Thank you, Minsun.

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MY MEDICAL CONDITION

Posted by David Brazier on June 26, 2019 at 18:04 6 Comments

My medical condition continues to be a mystery. It is clear that I do not have any of the big nasty things - brain tumour, cracked skull, stroke, etc - as these have been ruled out by MRI investigation. Nonetheless I continue to have persistent, continuous head pain that varies in intensity and I become exhausted by the least effort so that I am functioning like an invalid incapable of doing very much. There is always a possibility that the whole syndrome is a…

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Posted by Dayamay Dunsby on June 2, 2019 at 1:02 4 Comments

“Do we know what it means to be struck by grace? It does not mean that we suddenly believe that God exists, or that Jesus is the saviour, or that the Bible contains the truth. Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark Valley of a meaningless and empty life. It strikes us when we feel that our separation is deeper than usual, because we have violated another life, a life which we loved, or from which we were estranged. It strikes us… Continue

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Posted by Geeta Chari on April 26, 2019 at 22:13 3 Comments

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Posted by Dayamay Dunsby on April 20, 2019 at 14:13 0 Comments

 

 

 

I have recently been made aware of a practice known as Ho’ponopono. Ho’ponopono is an ancient Hawaiian healing practice, based on universal forgiveness, that was rediscovered and popularised in the 80s. A man called Joe Vitale(Hawaiian I think)  became enchanted by the practice after his daughter was healed from an…

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