Hymns of Trouble

I came back from my retreat at Amida Mandala in Malvern, knowing that I would have to face my problems at work which are a mirror and continuation of problems I have faced since age five (and probably had karmic forbears as well). I am writing hymns which reflect this but I try to use the Nembutsu to turn the feelings around and come up with new responses, rather than old, counterproductive ones. Here's a hymn:

Say No

I have been here before.                                                                          

She used her magic on me.                                                                    

I was her talisman,                                                                                  

To terrify others into obedience.                                                            

Magic is devious manipulation,                                                              

In another word, bullying.

I know,                                                                                                      

That because I didn't stand up to her bullying,                                      

She activated the bully-within,                                                                

Which ever since has given me no peace.

Now I find myself there again,                                                                  

And know that this time I must stand up to her,                                    

Or she will make the bully within me                                                      

Strike me as it has never struck before,                                                  

But I cannot wash the mud                                                                      

From a thousand, terrified eyes-                                                            

I couldn't do it, aged five,                                                                        

And I still can't do it now,                                                                        

In a country of endemic bullying-

So, I know, I must stand up,                                                                    

Say no,                                                                                                    

And go,                                                                                                    

And entrust myself to Limitless Compassion-                                          

Namo Amida Bu.

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