THURSDAY 4 Feb; Bad News and More Bad News

This morning I am in the hospital around nine o'clock. Normally I get there about ten. I know that David has had a wretched night and I am awake anyway, so I go to the hospital earlier. I arrive just in time to go downstairs with him for an x-ray.

Green and Yellow

While we are waiting for the x-ray David looks a bit pale, but is in a good mood. He tells me that the new green and yellow pain killers are finally working. During the night they had given little relief, but in the morning the nurse had given him some more and white ones too. However, during the x-ray procedure he nearly passes out.

A Rage of Spots

David never normally uses medication at all. Now he is stuffed with injections, pills and aerosol mask medicine and his body is starting to protest. Today was quite horrible. David is starting to respond with allergies to the medication. This morning as I go to wash his back I see that his whole skin is fire-red, a rage of spots, so I call for a nurse. Obviously an allergy. What is the solution? Of course another pill... they give him antihistamine.


Within a half hour David becomes nauseous and faint and is in a cold sweat. These attacks continue on and off for several hours, during which he discovers that it is best for him to sit on a chair instead of the bed as he then has less pain in his leg. He sits for hours in the chair with a bowl near by feeling all the time that he might throw up any minute.


At this stage, David thinks he is having an allergy to the coloured pain killers, but it could be any of the other drugs. During his better times I read, bit by bit, the new messages and, for distraction, some of the poems of Christopher Robin again. Around two o'clock he finally decides to lay in bed and is soon asleep.

I am still worried about David's hip. The doctor has promised to tell us the result of the x-ray this afternoon. He is still thinking it is osteoarthritis, and he said “If it is, he will have to stay in bed.”

These words sound horrible. For David's thrombose leg it is best to have exercise... and an operation with all these blood thinners... I don't know if that is possible.

While David sleeps I feel my stress. I practise some whispering Nembutsu. It works like unplugging the sink so the water can flow through.

After another hour a nurse wakes David up for his oxygen treatment. He looks a bit better. The nausea seems less, but the itching rash continues

Bad News

One hour and a half later the Doctor arrives with two lots of news... both bad.

The blood test was not good. David needs a bigger dosage of blood thinners and the x-ray shows that David has osteoarthritis, not just in one but in both hips.


The doctor is thinking that David's allergy is to the bloodthinner, so he wants to change this medicine tonight. He says to David:

“ I am going to give you 'Warfarin', do you know this?”

“Oh yes”, said David, “It is rat poison.”

“Yes”, said the doctor and both men grin, while I repeat “Rat poison??!”

So it is

So it is... David will take rat poison to kill the 'rats' in his body...

So it is...

And more days in hospital.

So it is.

With crutches? and a wheelchair? return to Eleusis?

So it is...

So it is?

Time to think about where life will take us in the months to come...

day by day... moment to moment...

Namo Amida Bu.

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  • Dear Elja and David, sad to hear those bad news. It seems like walking on the edge of hell. We send you a lot of Love and warm wishes. De tout coeur dans le Dharma. Wangmo and Cedric

  • Dear Elja and Dharmavidya - like you say, bad news and more bad news... Sending much love and prayers. For a place unclouded by hope and fear. Namo Amida Bu

  • Oh Elja! I bow for you sister. Thank you deeply for keeping us informed about what you and Dharmjavidya are going through. Aside of the astonishing care for Dharmavidya in hospital, you find time and care to tell us. Again thank you for that.

    One has to struggle with one's thoughts and worries on the one side and the unknown that is to be accepted on the other side.

    I say a heartfelt Namo Amida Bu here::

    Please be with him, please be with Elja and the others who are around Him, Bless the docters and nurses in their work. Please know that we all hope so much but that we have to bow for the unknown. Namo Amida Bu.

    Annetta and I are with you in our thoughts and hearts our love goes out to you, to Dharmavidya, to Annette and the others who took care.

    Big hug, give Darmavidya our love.


     , when reading what overcomes my dear Teacher. The other side is to 

  • Prayers and more Prayers

  • I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. I'm keeping you in my thoughts & prayers Dharmavidya.

    I hope that they can find the right medication/treatment that works better for you.

    sending you both much love

    Namo Amida Bu


  • What can I say that will possibly be of any comfort to you both as you go through this terribly difficult time. I will of course say prayers from here, and send as much love as I can, but your feeling of helplessness and mine...if a hand might reach across the ocean mine would be there with you, helping. 

  • Dear Eljia I'm very sad to know that.....I think of you both every day!!!!

    Namo Amida Bu

  • Prayers and hugs - this is so sad.

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