Irritated
My breakfast is still going on when David starts to talk about the Summary of Faith and Practice .
I react a bit irritated because I want to eat my toast and suddenly I have to look for my notebook. I try to make as many notes as possible during David's Dharma talks, not only to memorise as much as possible, but also to improve my English.
Impossible
My irritation has also something to do with the fact that I am not good at doing two things at the same time. Since my life is happening in the English language my capacity to multitask seems to have completely disappeared. When I want to understand a conversation, or express myself in English, it asks for complete concentration. Listening and writing while preparing and eating toast seems to be an impossible exercise.
Muddled up
Language is a strange something... Language is dominating the thinking. Without language no thinking... I am thinking in Dutch and Enlish all muddled up. Even writing in Dutch is strange now. Especially about Pureland Buddhism, because everything I have learned about it, I have learned in English. My english vocabulary is limited, but my Dutch words seems also not available to express myself.
David quotes the part of the Summary of Faith and Practice where we stopped last lesson.
“Nor is it (practice of Nembutsu) based on study, understanding and wisdom or the revelation of deep meaning”
Wandering Holy Man
To illustrate the meaning of this sentence David tells us the story about Pureland Teacher Ippen (c. 1200 DC). Ippen was one the early followers of Honen and the founder of the Ji Shu.
He had his own way of spreading the dharma and practising. He was a wandering holy man. He travelled with his group of disciples from place to place to spread the Dharma. While he was travelling he asked everyone he met to say Nembutsu and when you did he gave you a 'Fuda' a little piece of paper with “Namo Amida Bu” written on it. You can put the Fuda on your home shrine. In this way Ippen gave you something concrete as a sign of being accepted by Amida.
No Faith
'One day Ippen met a man who did not want to say Nembutsu', David tells us. Ippen asked the man why he did not want to say it. “Because I don't have faith,” was his answer. Ippen asked the man to say Nembutsu anyway and the man did. Ippen gave him his Fuda.
Crises
Ippen could not forget this meeting with this man and it kept him preoccupied. What is the meaning of reciting Namo Amida Bu when you don't have faith in it? Or don't believe in it? It became a kind of religious crisis for Ippen himself.
David told that after this crisis Ippen came to the conclusion that it is not about personal experience, but it is about the Nembutsu itself. The words “Namo Amida Bu” are wholesome and perfect.
While David refers to the sentence of Summary of Faith and Practice” I am still thinking of the story and Ippen and his conclusion, and especially the question, what is the essence of practising Nembutsu? And what if you don't believe in it? The conclusion of the story came to quick for me.
Amida and Jesus
As a beginner in Pureland practise I still feel a kind of unfamiliarity with Amida Buddha. Chanting Namo Amida Bu can give me a calm feeling and sometimes the experience of a prayer.
The religious aspect, the devotion and the stories about salvation around Amida Buddha remind me of the stories about Jesus. I was brought up as a Christian and I have a lot of positive memories of my Christian background and I still feel connected to my Christian roots.
After a few years of Zen practice I am suddenly in touch in a quite intensive way with Pureland Buddhism and Amida Buddha.
Mysterious Spell
The words Namo Amida Bu sound sometimes as a mysterious spell in my ears and at these moments I can feel some resistance. After God, Jesus and Buddha, Amdia appears into my life... Why don't I feel connection with Amida, I wonder.
Questions
I tell David that I still have questions about the conclusion of Ippen and ask about the essence of practising, even if you don't have faith. Instead of giving me an answer David stand up to leave the kitchen. He returns with a book about the life and work of Ippen. He starts to read out loud the story of Ippen and his meeting with the man who didn't want to say Nembutsu. It is a beautiful story with a lot of details worth telling:
Sincere
Ippen meets a monk. The monk comes from a disciplined tradition in which it is very important to live according the vows in a very sincere way. When the monk refuses to say Nembutsu Yppen asked the monk why he refused. The monk tells Ippen that he does not experience faith himself. He explains that he can't accept the fuda of Ippen, because that will be like lying for him and he can't practise nembutsu in a sincere way.
After hearing this part of the story I understand better why Ippen himself went through a crisis. The monk gives him a beautiful koan about his own religion practice.
Vision
David is reading further and Ippen seems to have serious doubt about his own practice and the way he is teaching the Dharma. He is asking himself if he should go on with sharing the fudas and getting people to say the Nembutsu. Ippen visits a temple and prays for guidance. In the temple he gets an answer to his prayer in a vision. In this vision he is asked:
“Why are you doing this the wrong way? It is not by your own effort that all sentient beings are to attain birth in the Pure Land.”
Self-power and Other-power
What a beautiful question - a question that is speaking to me. A question about 'self-power' and 'other-power'. It is an answer to the question, what is the meaning of Nembutsu if you don't believe in it.
It does not depend of my personal way of chanting Nembutsu. The message is: Also with a heart full of doubt or feelings of discomfort you can say Nembutsu and reach the Pure Land. Your Nembutsu is perfect even if you can't do it sincerely.
It is easy to write, but hard to believe 'my Nembutsu is perfect'...
But maybe this is the essence of 'self-power and other-power'.
I WANT to believe that my Nembutsu is good
I WANT to feel faith
I WANT
It is quite difficult to get past “I want”.
Slowly on I get a clear picture of the meaning of 'self-power'.
Many times I attribute to myself a great power and influence. I know how to make myself important in my life. I can mourn as a broken weeping willow about the things I could have done better in my life. I can work very hard to improve myself. I can worry a lot about the things I may have done wrong. I always want to understand, what I am learning. I want to know why... and I want everything to be confirmed by personal experience...
All beautiful examples of self-power.
But what about the 'other-power'?
I believe it is there...somewhere...
Lets start with chanting Nembutsu without understanding and any expectation of a revelation of deep meaning.
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