We began by completing the theory of consonant and dissonant social relations in networks. We looked in particular at the example of a new member - say, the daughter’s boyfriend - coming into a family and the ensuing tensions. We see how this could later result in different members of the family coming into counselling with any of a range of different presenting problems, yet it not being easy to understand the whole configuration of causes and conditions.
I commented on how Korean society is more disciplined and highly socialised which has advantages in more civilised living and higher economic performance but disadvantages in a high suicide rate and a greater tendency to cover up problems or jump to a moralistic conclusion about them. As counsellors we are providing support to the people who are casualties of this situation. In order to provide such support we need, as far as we can, to free ourselves and broaden our attitude.
======
We then looked at the passage from the poem…
If reverent, then happy. Nothing can go wrong.
The truth that Heaven bestows is nonetheless mysterious; not even to be classed with delusion and enlightenment.
All in due season, with the ripening of causes and conditions, its glory quietly emerges.
Fine, it penetrates hell; great, no cell can hold it.
A tiny mistake and you lose the tune
This passage gives the whole philosophy of therapy. Firstly, deep respect. If one maintains deep respect, nothing can go wrong. If one lacks skill the work may go slowly, but if one maintain respect one will not do damage. All the time we are seeking truth. truth is not constructed by ourselves - it is provided by heaven. It will always be in some degree a mystery. We cannot hope to understand everything. Even if we transcend delusion and become enlightened we shall still be human beings and will not perceive everything. Rather than becoming super powerful, we are more likely to give up our personal power and rely upon the bigger process in which we are a part. In that process things happen in due season as causes and conditions ripen. We try to understand those causes and conditions and to find the truth hidden within them. The deeper truth of life is all the time emerging, like a treasure coming to light. when we have faith in this way, we can go with the client into his particular hell, his particular prison and no harm will come to us. This is a matter of paying careful attention. If concentration wanders we lose the thread, we stop following the tune and become lost.
=======
I talked about how to respect the person no matter what decisions they have made. If a person decides to stay in a difficult situation or decides to leave - both options require courage. If they manage to change the situation into a less difficult one, that also is a considerable achievement. If we start with building a connection to the human spirit of the person - the courage to live which they display - then we have a firm foundation that puts everytrhing else that we deal with into perspective and builds a trusting relationship. That relationship itself then forms a conducive condition for the growth and development of the person.
One might have an ideal that people should have happy marriages and some people do have such marriages, but often people only pretend to have a happy marriage and do so because nothing else is socially acceptable. Where is this person able to talk about their difficulty? He or she may come to counselling, but if the counsellor also holds too strongly to this same ideal it may be very difficult for an honest dialogue to happen. Of course, it is nice if people have happy marriages, but that is not the only way to have a noble and satisfactory life.
One’s social opinions are not terribly useful in the counselling situation. Imagine counselling Donald Trump. It might be that you disagree with his view of politics. Perhaps you would not vote for him. Nonetheless, if he were your client there is much that you can find to respect. For a person to challenge the establishment system of his country and of his party and succeed to the highest job is quite a remarkable achievement. Also, there is something to empathise with. The fact that at the moment he is saying the truth as he sees it and all the important people are rejecting him for doing so is a dramatic human situation. He is becoming isolated and it could all end in tragedy. As a political person one might be hoping that he fall from power but as a counsellor one can appreciate his difficulty and the human anguish and drama. As a counsellor one should be able to respond to the spirit of the person and not get trapped into taking positions. Of course, we are all human and this is easier said than done, but it is the ideal we aim for. Being a counsellor is a very different role from being a participant in the social or political process. One develops an ability to keep the two separate.
Demonstration Session
The theme of this session was how fears acquired in early life and adolescence can carry over into adult life or be restimulated by entering circumstances that remind one of the earlier situation. The session included a small element of re-enactment to elucidate feelings. It showed how the issue talked about may also be re-enacted in the session itself, both generally and in the client counsellor relationship. The counsellor needs concentration and patience to attend to small signs of significant shifts in the client’s process.
Questions and Comments
- the counsellor respected the client’s right to decide how much she wants to reveal.
- the session was 80 minutes and we had some discussion of when and how time limits are appropriate. Generally counselling sessions are limited to 50 or 60 minutes, but sometimes one has the luxury of being able to go on longer.
- the counsellor is like a companion going on a journey with the client. The journey passes through different areas of material significant in the client’s life.
- in the course of the session the client had a variety of emotions, shared important material about her life and had some insight.
- the presenting problem did not occupy much of the time of the session. The counsellor needs to keep the presenting problem in mind and refer back to it when appropriate, but it does not have to dominate the session. Often the presenting problem is merely a starting point - the tip of the iceberg.
We then did counselling practice in small groups.
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20170817 Course two Day 4 (9th day of 15 day training)
Posted by David Brazier on August 17, 2017 at 10:33 in KOREA 2017
https://eleusis.ning.com/group/korea/forum/topics/course-2-day-4-9th-day-of-15-day-training
한글 번역: 김재성
We began by completing the theory of consonant and dissonant social relations in networks. We looked in particular at the example of a new member - say, the daughter’s boyfriend - coming into a family and the ensuing tensions. We see how this could later result in different members of the family coming into counselling with any of a range of different presenting problems, yet it not being easy to understand the whole configuration of causes and conditions.
우리는 네트워크에서 조화롭고 조화롭지 않은 사회적 관계의 이론을 완성함으로써 시작했다. 우리는 특히 새로운 구성원, 예를 들어 딸의 남자 친구가 가족 속으로 들어와 가족과 계속되는 긴장 상태에 빠져있는 것을 보았다. 우리는 이것이 나중에 다른 가정 구성원이 여러 가지 다른 문제를 제시하면서 상담에 참여할 수 있는 방법을 알지만, 원인과 조건의 전체 구성을 이해하는 것은 쉽지 않다.
I commented on how Korean society is more disciplined and highly socialised which has advantages in more civilised living and higher economic performance but disadvantages in a high suicide rate and a greater tendency to cover up problems or jump to a moralistic conclusion about them. As counsellors we are providing support to the people who are casualties of this situation. In order to provide such support we need, as far as we can, to free ourselves and broaden our attitude.
나는 한국 사회가 더 규율 있고 고도로 사회화된 방법에 대해 논평했다. 한국사회는 더 문명화된 삶과 경제적 성과 면에서 장점이 있지만 자살률이 높고 문제를 은폐하거나 도덕적 결론을 도출하는 경향이 있는 단점이 있다. 상담자로서 우리는 이 상황에서 피해자가 된 사람들을 지원한다. 그러한 지원을 제공하기 위해 우리는 할 수 있는 한 자신을 자유롭게 하고 자신의 태도를 넓힐 필요가 있다.
======
We then looked at the passage from the poem…
If reverent, then happy. Nothing can go wrong.
The truth that Heaven bestows is nonetheless mysterious; not even to be classed with delusion and enlightenment.
All in due season, with the ripening of causes and conditions, its glory quietly emerges.
Fine, it penetrates hell; great, no cell can hold it.
A tiny mistake and you lose the tune
그 다음 우리는 시에서 그 도정을 들여다보았다.
존중한다면 행복합니다. 아무것도 잘못 될 수는 없다.
그럼에도 불구하고 하늘이 가져다주는 진실은 신비스럽다. 미혹과 깨달음으로 분류조차 되지 않는다.
세월 속에서 모두, 원인과 조건의 성숙과 함께 그 영광(인간의 정신, 살아갈 용기)이 조용히 나타난다.
좋아, (상담은 내담자와 함께) 지옥까지 뚫고 들어간다. 어떤 감옥의 독방도 그를 붙들 수 없다.
작은 실수가 있다면 그대는 (내담자와의) 조율을 잃는다.
This passage gives the whole philosophy of therapy. Firstly, deep respect. If one maintains deep respect, nothing can go wrong. If one lacks skill the work may go slowly, but if one maintain respect one will not do damage. All the time we are seeking truth. truth is not constructed by ourselves - it is provided by heaven. It will always be in some degree a mystery. We cannot hope to understand everything. Even if we transcend delusion and become enlightened we shall still be human beings and will not perceive everything. Rather than becoming super powerful, we are more likely to give up our personal power and rely upon the bigger process in which we are a part. In that process things happen in due season as causes and conditions ripen. We try to understand those causes and conditions and to find the truth hidden within them. The deeper truth of life is all the time emerging, like a treasure coming to light. when we have faith in this way, we can go with the client into his particular hell, his particular prison and no harm will come to us. This is a matter of paying careful attention. If concentration wanders we lose the thread, we stop following the tune and become lost.
이 구절은 전체 치료 철학을 제공한다. 첫째, 깊은 존경심이다. 깊은 존경심을 지니면 아무 것도 잘못 될 수 없다. 기법이 부족하면 작업이 천천히 진행될 수 있지만, 존중을 유지하면 손상을 입히지 않는다. 항상 우리는 진실을 찾고 있다. 진실은 우리 자신에 의해 만들어지지 않는다. 그것은 하늘에 의해 제공된다. 항상 어느 정도 신비로울 것이다. 우리는 모든 것을 이해하기를 희망하지 않는다. 우리가 미혹을 초월하고 깨달음을 얻었을지라도 우리는 여전히 인간으로 모든 것을 인식하지 못한다. 슈퍼파워를 가진 자가 되기보다 우리는 개인적인 힘을 포기하고 우리가 참여하는 더 큰 과정에 의지하는 면이 더 크다. 그 과정에서 원인과 조건이 성숙할 때 세월 속에서 결과가 생긴다. 우리는 그 원인과 조건을 이해하고 그들 안에 숨겨진 진리를 발견하려고 노력한다. 보물이 빛나는 것처럼 항상 더 깊은 삶의 진실이 나타난다. 우리가 이런 방식에 믿음을 가질 때, 우리는 그 내담자와 함께 그의 특별한 지옥, 그의 특정한 감옥으로 갈 수 있으며, 아무런 해가 없을 것이다. 이것은 세심한 주의를 기울이는 문제이다. 집중력이 방황하면 실마리(맥락)을 잃어버리고 우리는 조율을 따라 가지 않고 길을 잃는다.
=======
I talked about how to respect the person no matter what decisions they have made. If a person decides to stay in a difficult situation or decides to leave - both options require courage. If they manage to change the situation into a less difficult one, that also is a considerable achievement. If we start with building a connection to the human spirit of the person - the courage to live which they display - then we have a firm foundation that puts everything else that we deal with into perspective and builds a trusting relationship. That relationship itself then forms a conducive condition for the growth and development of the person.
나는 그들(내담자)이 어떤 결정을 내렸든 상관없이 그 사람을 존중하는 법을 이야기했다. 한 사람이 어려운 상황에 처하거나 떠나기로 결정한 경우 두 가지 선택 모두 용기가 필요하다. 그들이 상황을 덜 어려운 것으로 바꿀 수 있다면, 그것은 또한 상당한 성과이다. 우리가 그 사람의 인간 정신, 즉 그들이 보여주는 살아갈 용기에 대한 연결을 구축하는 것으로 시작할 경우, 우리는 다루는 다른 모든 것들을 전망속에서 다룰 수 있고, 신뢰관계를 쌓을 확고한 기반을 갖습니다. 그 관계 자체는 그 사람의 성장과 발달을 위해 도움이 되는 조건을 형성한다.
One might have an ideal that people should have happy marriages and some people do have such marriages, but often people only pretend to have a happy marriage and do so because nothing else is socially acceptable. Where is this person able to talk about their difficulty? He or she may come to counselling, but if the counsellor also holds too strongly to this same ideal it may be very difficult for an honest dialogue to happen. Of course, it is nice if people have happy marriages, but that is not the only way to have a noble and satisfactory life.
사람들은 행복한 결혼 생활을 해야만 한다는 이상을 가지고 있을지도 모른다. 그리고 어떤 사람들은 그러한 결혼 생활을 하고 있지만, 종종 사람들은 행복한 결혼 생활을 하고 있는 척만 하는 경우가 있다. 그렇게 하는 것만이 사회적으로 용납 될 수 있기 때문이다. 이 사람이 자신의 어려움에 대해 이야기 할 수 있는 곳은 어디인가? 그 또는 그녀는 상담자에게 올지도 모르지만, 상담자가 이 똑같은 이상을 너무 강하게 붙잡고 있다면 정직한 대화가 일어나기가 매우 어려울 수 있다. 물론 사람들이 행복한 결혼 생활을 하는 것은 좋지만, 그것이 고귀하고 만족스러운 삶을 사는 유일한 방법은 아니다.
One’s social opinions are not terribly useful in the counselling situation. Imagine counselling Donald Trump. It might be that you disagree with his view of politics. Perhaps you would not vote for him. Nonetheless, if he were your client there is much that you can find to respect. For a person to challenge the establishment system of his country and of his party and succeed to the highest job is quite a remarkable achievement. Also, there is something to empathise with. The fact that at the moment he is saying the truth as he sees it and all the important people are rejecting him for doing so is a dramatic human situation. He is becoming isolated and it could all end in tragedy. As a political person one might be hoping that he fall from power but as a counsellor one can appreciate his difficulty and the human anguish and drama. As a counsellor one should be able to respond to the spirit of the person and not get trapped into taking positions. Of course, we are all human and this is easier said than done, but it is the ideal we aim for. Being a counsellor is a very different role from being a participant in the social or political process. One develops an ability to keep the two separate.
자신의 사회적 의견은 상담 상황에 별로 도움이 되지 않는다. Donald Trump를 상담한다고 상상해보라. 정치에 대한 그의 견해에 동의하지 않을 수 있다. 아마도 당신은 그에게 투표하지 않았을 것이다. 그럼에도 불구하고, 그가 당신의 내담자라면 당신이 존중할만한 것을 많이 찾을 수 있다. 어떤 사람이 자신의 나라와 당의 설립에 도전하고 가장 높은 직업(대통령)을 얻는 것은 아주 놀라운 업적이다. 또한, 공감할 것이 있다. 그가 본 진실을 말하고 있을 때, 모든 중요한 사람들이 그가 하는 일을 거부하고 있다는 사실은 극적인 인간 상황이다. 그는 고립되어 가고 모든 일이 비극으로 끝날 수 있다. 정치인으로서 권력에서 물러나기를 바랄 수도 있지만, 상담자로서 그의 어려움과 인간의 고뇌와 드라마를 고마워할 수 있다. 상담자로서 사람의 그 정신에 반응할 수 있어야하고 위상을 취하는 것에 갇히지 않아야한다. 물론, 우리 모두는 인간이다. 이것은 실행보다는 말하기가 쉽지만, 우리가 목표로 삼는 이상이다. 상담자가 되는 것과 사회적 또는 정치적 과정에 참여하는 것과는 매우 다른 역할이다. 우리는 두 가지를 분리하여 유지하는 능력을 개발한다.
Demonstration Session
The theme of this session was how fears acquired in early life and adolescence can carry over into adult life or be restimulated by entering circumstances that remind one of the earlier situation. The session included a small element of re-enactment to elucidate feelings. It showed how the issue talked about may also be re-enacted in the session itself, both generally and in the client counsellor relationship. The counsellor needs concentration and patience to attend to small signs of significant shifts in the client’s process.
시연 세션
이 세션의 주제는 어떻게 초기 삶과 청소년기에 습득한 공포가 성인 생활로 이어지거나 초기 상황 중 하나를 생각나게 하는 상황에 들어가서 다시 자극될 수 있는가였다. 이 세션에는 감정을 밝히기 위한 작은 연기를 재연하는 요소가 포함되었다. 또한 이 문제에 관해 이야기하는 방법이 세션 자체 안에서, 일반적으로 내담자 상담자 관계 속에서 다시 연기될 수 있음을 보여주었다. 상담자는 내담자의 프로세스에서 중요한 변화의 작은 징조에 주의하도록 집중과 인내심이 필요하다.
Questions and Comments
- the counsellor respected the client’s right to decide how much she wants to reveal.
- the session was 80 minutes and we had some discussion of when and how time limits are appropriate. Generally counselling sessions are limited to 50 or 60 minutes, but sometimes one has the luxury of being able to go on longer.
- the counsellor is like a companion going on a journey with the client. The journey passes through different areas of material significant in the client’s life.
- in the course of the session the client had a variety of emotions, shared important material about her life and had some insight.
- the presenting problem did not occupy much of the time of the session. The counsellor needs to keep the presenting problem in mind and refer back to it when appropriate, but it does not have to dominate the session. Often the presenting problem is merely a starting point - the tip of the iceberg.
We then did counselling practice in small groups.
질문 및 의견
- 상담자는 내담자가 자신이 밝히길 원하는 것을 결정할 권리를 존중한다.
- 세션은 80분이었고 시간제한이 적절한 기와 방법에 대해 논의했다. 일반적으로 상담 세션은 50분 또는 60분으로 제한되지만, 때로는 한 시간 더 오래 갈 수 있는 호사를 가질 수 있다.
- 상담자는 내담자와 함께 여행하는 동반자와 같다. 여행은 내담의 삶에서 중요한 여러 가지 영역을 지나간다.
- 세션 중에는 내담자가 다양한 감정을 가지고 인생에 대한 중요한 자료를 공유하고 통찰력을 가지고 있었다.
- 제시된 문제는 세션 시간을 많이 차지하지 않았다. 상담자는 제시된 문제를 염두에 두어야하며 적절할 때 내담자에게 그 문제를 제시해야 하지만 세션을 지배할 필요는 없다. 종종 제시된 문제는 단지 출발점 일뿐이다. 즉 빙산의 일각이다.
그런 다음 소그룹으로 상담 연습을 했다.
Thank you for sharing all this marvellous work Dharmavidya.
Namo Amida Bu