People-watching in Paris
Yesterday i travelled by train from France to Holland. I enjoyed my journey. Especially the part i have to travel from Paris Austerlitz to Gare Du Nord. You can taste a bit of the spirit of this capital city when you travel by metro from one station to another. Everywhere I look I am surrounded by colourful people, occupied with there own minds. Waiting at stations is a part of the journey and an excellent opportunity to observe and watch other people. People traveling, especially in the metro, are very quite and turned into them self. In the metro between Austerlitz and Gard Du Nord there always seem to be excellent musicians. They sing and play with enthousiasm, but the response is minimal. I feel always kind of adventurous and happy when i am traveling between those two stations. I wonder why. I feel also a bit odd, between everybody in the metro; in my red clothes, between people who are mostly dressed in black and grey, And I am the only one who applauds the lovely music... Nevertheless, despite their grey looking clothes, the people everywhere look colourful in skin, hair, faces, body languages and they are all wrapped in life stories, like colourful dresses, glimpsing raincoats, long knitted scarfs with many patterns.
From One "Monastery" to Another
I am on my way to the "monastery" in Den Bosch. This place used to be a nunnery, but now is a co-housing community. I have been their guest before, in January, together with David, and i am glad that i can stay there again, in this nice community for women only. The evening before i left Eleusis we had a gathering with the four of us; with Adam, Modgala, David and me. I talked about my wish to become a postulant; a preparation period for becomming a Amitarya. And the best way to describ briefly an Amitarya is 'a traveling Buddhist priest' prepared to have few possessions and no steady home. It fills me with a kind of exitement to think about this, but in a way this adventure was already beginning when I left Holland and decided to live at Eleusis.
Leaving Home with Siddhartha
During my hours in the train i read 'Siddhartha' written by Herman Hesse. What a beautiful book! This book moves me strongly at certain moments. Like the moment that Siddhartha decided to leave the house of his beloved father to go and live with the ascetes. The pain of the father and Siddhartas strong knowing that he wants to go, his desire for his spiritual quest. I recognize the moment that i knew that i want to go to Eleusis and, therefore, leave behind everything that i know. While i read the story i am in touch with the pain that goes with this decision. Another moment in the book; Siddhartha discovers himself again, discovers that he was hiding from himself, a strong awakening moment. He feels the joy and a whole new life seems to appear before him. And then he realize that he can't go home to his father, that he not longer is who he once was and he is feeling completely alone, connected with nobody and not knowing himself. Here again i feel overwhelmed to read words i recognize. With my departure to Eleusis I left behind many roles, many identities, to discover an unknown life. I am not like Siddhartha who only for a moment shivers and goes on with his spiritual journey. I still can shiver and cry because I feel lonely. Sometimes I feel like a minuscule dot floating in the endless universe totaly disconnected. And the desire to be 'someone or something' is still there.... 'Amitarya' sounds attractive... Adventures, but not without fear... I haven't finished the book yet, I am curious about the rest.
I am Home, I have Arrived
I arrived safely at the monastery and had a very nice first day. Today was a community day in the garden. All the wooden furniture needed to be treated with oil again, a tree had to be planted. I was glad that i could join their activities. At first the other women were a bit surprised that I would help They liked it very much. And it was for me such a natural thing to do and it made me feel so at home. I step from one 'monastery' into another and continue similar daily activities. I had a wonderful conversation and heart connection with one of the women. We cried and laughed at the same time - lovely and an unexpected gift. Wednesday is my turn to cook for everybody Very nice to find a home base in Holland that fits with the life style of an Amitarya ;-) Despite the scary moments, I feel very grateful for the chance to follow my spiritual quest. Namo Amida Bu
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