I'm afraid that this Daily is a bit of a hotch-potch of my current happy and sad feelings.
My regime these days is simple enough. Some mornings we have a service and some we don't. After that we have breakfast - outside if weather permits. Then I write. We usually have elevensies and later a snack lunch. After I've finished writing, I put on work clothes and go and do one or other of the various available work jobs for a while in order to get some exercise and some air in my lungs. Then dinner.
This evening after dinner we had a gathering. This is a community meeting in which we take it in turns to share what is going on for us. As all four of us are involved in spiritual training and are on or have aspirations toward a vocation within the "amitarya" sangha, some of our discussion focussed on the how, what and wherefore of being a religious spiritual community. This brings me both satisfaction and sadness: the former because it affirms our community and the latter because of my own restrictions..
At the moment I am rather limited by my health condition and there is no way of knowing whether I will make a full recovery or not. I find car journeys quite a challenge. What is a pleasure outing to somebody else is a trial to me. Consequently I am stuck here. Now it is a rather wonderful place to be stuck in, but even so...
I am not accustommed to this kind of restriction. I have always been a pretty fit and healthy person capable of doing more than most of the others around me. Now I can only do less. There would be some sense in us running the community here on somewhat tighter lines, but at present I could not manage it myself. This distresses me, but there it is.
I have to accept that I am convalescent and, in a certain way, in semi-retirement. There is a positive side to this in that I can get on with writing and indulge other interests more, but it is also a challenge to make the adjustment. I am quite pleasantly surprised to have got a book written in the last few months. It rather crept up on me. I did not start out intending to write such a lengthy work and it is still filed in my computer in my file for "shorter pieces". Things happen like that sometimes.
It is important to count blessings and I have many. At the same time it is important that one's real emotions have some space and mine are - I think understandably - mixed. It is lovely to see this place looking good and it is a privilege to be here, and yet...
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Sending tender thoughts - Namo Amida Bu