Seventeen days ago I arrived in the monastery in Den Bosch. Time flies, it seems to disappear like water through my fingers. I forget the date, the day of the week and surprisingly the hours are dissolving like clouds in the sky. It is not that I am too busy or anything like that. The things I am occupied with are appearing like beads on a self made neckless. Reading articles on the net, translations, visits from friends, traveling to family, encounters in the monastery, reading.
Missing
In moments, I miss David and Eleusis. I wonder if the chestnut tree is flowering and what is happening in our flower garden and which flowers there are to discover in the woods now? I miss breakfast outside in the fresh morning air and David's teaching while the birds are singing their spring melodies.
But I am also having a good time.
Not that crazy
Yesterday I visited my mother and stayed the night with my sister and her partner. When my sister picked me up from the station she had to watch me for a moment. A couple of days ago I decided to cut of (almost) all my hair. And she said: “Well it is not that crazy, it suits you in a certain way.” I had not seen my sister since my departure to Eleusis.
We spent hours talking and she and her partner had lots of questions... about my life at Eleusis, about Buddhism, about red clothes and cutting of hair, about vows, rules, and enlightenment. My sister's partner is a policemen and he had questions about Buddhism and prisoners, “and what is the vision from a Buddhist point of view about punishment?”
Big questions, and I am no expert. Sometimes I can't express myself, or I have no answers, or I am hesitating and searching for words, or I discover for myself what I think about it, because it is the first time I express myself on the subject. But on most questions I could answer very personally, like...
Why cutting of my hair?
Cutting of my hair means for me openness about the choices I have made: The choice to go to Eleusis, the wish to become a postulant, an amitarya. It is also a symbol. Everytime I look in the mirror I will be reminded of my intentions and how I want to go on with my life, my commitment to Buddhism, the dharma and also the Amida Sangha. Sometimes I feel rather shy talking about it. Or maybe I am afraid that other people are judging me or think I am going mad.
Show my colours
Yet everytime I am open about my religious quest, every time I share my longings and questions and I open up about my new life, I have wonderful conversations. Also in the monastery. Some visitors here asked me about my red clothes and looks, if it has a spiritual meaning. The man who asked me is recovering from cancer and a brain tumour. Soon I discovered that he was sincerely interested and before I knew it his wife joined the conversation and we are speaking about religion, life and death, love and Buddhism and sharing personal matters.
I realise now that when I have the courage to show my colours and be open about this it works as an invitation to others to open up and to express themselves too on what religion or spirituality or existence means for them. I enjoy it very much to talk with people in this way.
The evening with my sister and her partner was wonderful too. And the last hour of the evening after all the good conversation we played a music quiz. Listening to music especially from the 80s through you tube and guessing by turn.
Redish
Back in the monastery I spent some time with reading some of the nice articles Sujatin sent by email to all the aspirants. One of the latest she sent was about the meaning of wearing Buddhist clothes. It came as an answer on some questions and thoughts that passed by in this weekend.
It is nice to show redish :-) Namo Amida Bu
Replies
I remember too how the clothes and lack of care led to conversations Namo amida Bu
Elja, I bow to this commitment, that shows your great courage and love.
Namo amida Bu
:-) _/|\_
A reddish bow to you _/l\_